MARIE T. ROGERS, PhD., PA

Emotional Survival Guide for Teens If you are a teenager, this is for you. If you know a teenager, pass it along. We will explore the most challenging aspect of adolescence and ways to make it easier on yourself. We will talk about why life is such an emotional challenge at times, and what you can do to make it less stressful. With these strategies, you may even enjoy your teen years. Understand what emotional changes to expect: It always helps to know what you’re getting into. When you know what to expect, the changes of adolescence don’t come as such a surprise. It’s like seeing the trailer before you see the movie, or reading the table of contents before you start a book. It gives you a sense of what’s to come, so you feel prepared. Get to know yourself better: The teen years can be very confusing. You may feel like you’re not the same person you were when you got up this morning. How do you keep track of your changing self? One way is to keep a journal; a private notebook where you write about your feelings. Look for positive influences: The teen years can be less stressful if you have a role model. This means someone whom you would consider a mentor, a good example, or someone to pattern yourself after. Role models are important because they set an example for you to follow. If you admire someone and model yourself after him or her, it can give you some direction and some goals. Think about the people who are positive influences in your life. They may be family members, teachers, leaders, or famous people who you may never meet, but admire just the same. I admire: _____________________________________________________________
Practice thinking for yourself: It is a sign of strong self-esteem. It means that you know you matter, and that you value your ability to think. Thinking for yourself means that you ask questions, rather than just accepting what people tell you. Learn to be assertive: Assertive behavior is another sign of self-esteem. Assertiveness is standing up for yourself and protecting your own interests. Learn to present yourself with confidence: Here is one way to develop confidence. First, make a list of at least three things you do well. Then make a list of at least three things you don¡¦t do very well. Choose something to do from the first list every day. This will make you feel good about yourself. Then, when you¡¦re feeling good, do something from the second list. You will see that the way you feel about yourself at the moment can greatly affect how you perform. 3 things I do well: 3 things I do not do well: 1._____________________ 1._____________________ 2._____________________ 2._____________________ 3._____________________ 3._____________________ Learn to express your thoughts and opinions: * Organize your facts and arguments. Know what you want to say. Know the difference between facts and opinions. Facts will help you win your argument. * Having good timing can make a huge difference in the impact your statement makes. Choose the best moment. * People will be more receptive to you if you¡¦re friendly and courteous. * Develop your listening skills. Remember, you have two ears and one mouth. Listening is a very important, yet often neglected, communication tool. * Speak clearly and confidently, but don¡¦t be too loud. * If you need to disagree, do so in a pleasant and polite manner. Rudeness turns people off and lessens the chance that the other person will be receptive or open to what you have to say. * Acknowledge the other point of view. People may not agree with you. You have more power when you acknowledge that others have a right to a different point of view. Find out what you believe in: One of the tasks of adolescence is to find out what you believe in and what you personally value in life. This process involves constructively questioning the things you see and hear. I believe in and/or value: ______________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________ Learn to disagree productively: There are plenty of nonproductive ways to disagree with parents and other authority figures. These include temper tantrums, violent and/or behavior, disobeying laws, etc. You will have more success if you learn the more productive ways to disagree, such as developing your negotiation skills or by forming or joining an action group. Create your own private place: As you grow older, you have a greater need for a private place that is all your own. You need it as a place to escape to, but also as a place where you can create your own life. At the end of adolescence, you will be an adult, ready to go out into the world. You will need to be ready to stand on your own, as an independent and responsible person. Make a few good friends: Making new friends takes some effort. Some people seem to make friends quite easily, while others find it difficult. It¡¦s mostly a matter of learning a few skills. See if you can develop behaviors like these: * Smile; appear friendly & interested * Say, 'Hi' & greet people by name * Ask questions * Give sincere compliments * Join groups Learn teamwork skills: Being a part of a team is an important skill, and it will become even more important when you are an adult. Teamwork skills include the following: Cooperating Making decisions Being loyal & trustworthy Encouraging others Planning & Problem Solving Find someone you can talk to: Just in case you hadn¡¦t noticed, adolescence can be a highly emotional time. You are learning new things every day and you are not always ready to meet the demands of social situations. It¡¦s very important to have someone you can talk to during this time. Different people can help you with different kinds of problems. The important thing is that when you start to feel stressed, it means you probably need to let it out. Look for help from people like these: Parents Police officers Psychotherapists Teachers Siblings Neighbors School psychologist Relatives Friends¡¦ parents Guidance counselor Your friends Doctors Developing a network of support will be incredibly important for you as you go through life. My network of support includes the following people: ________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________